You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
