It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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