My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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