So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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