making cat noises will not fix the situation.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
