In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
