before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
