he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
