I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
