and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there was a trapeze. enough said
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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