He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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