And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This house was built for laser tag.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
