....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
