You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
