If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
