I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
