census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
