i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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