I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
