is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
