Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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