did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
