My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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