Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize