Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Panties = found
Randomize
