I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
