It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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