Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
