I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
