I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
