he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who died my cat blue again?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
