you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
