i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
