Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
