I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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