I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
