is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize