i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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