Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
