He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
