I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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