and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wear drunk well.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
