remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
