NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
