The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
