i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
