well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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