got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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