apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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