I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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