Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dicks are not precious.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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