I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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