I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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