I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
