I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
