first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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