Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
