she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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