just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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