im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
