Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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