All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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