I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
