You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this boner is exhausting
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
