i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
