Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize