Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Less talking, more tequila
As shirtless as possible
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
