You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
