His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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