I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
handjob tips. give me some.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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