Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
