Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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