If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
