Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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