Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
