that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
